Big Plans, Big Changes

During the past few weeks, there have been some changes and plans made in my personal life. Whether or not these plans will be carried out or be approved is the question, no matter how much I want to put them into action. But, I won’t get in to that because they’re not set in stone for me. In time, I hope they will be. Instead, let me talk about some changes I’ve made in my personal life.

They might seem minuscule to some people, but to me, these changes are huge. These changes include:

  1. Learning to drive. The concept of driving gives me terrible anxiety. I’ve only been behind the wheel to practice a few times, but when I am, I’m tense and anxious about my driving, hyper alert, and hoping I don’t crash or cause someone else to crash. I’m studying to take the test, then hopefully pass the test, get my permit, then eventually get my driver’s license. As much as I don’t want to drive, I desperately need to because I don’t want to depend on family members (or even other friends) to take me to and from places anymore. I don’t have the money to pay others for gas, and I barely have enough to help in terms of eating healthy.
  2. Applying for jobs. I’ve applied to several different jobs and am hoping to hear back from at least one organization. If I get an interview and am hired, I can make some money and help myself a little more when it comes to buying healthy food, and buying books and other necessities for school. But then again, if I do get an interview and get hired, I’ll only want to work until school starts, which is August 28. I feel as though accepting a job now would be pointless if I’m going to just leave it after a month or so. I only say that because my work load for school is only going to pile higher, especially since I’m going to take an internship course. Having that, plus four other classes, plus a job will hardly leave any time for me to sit down and complete necessary course work. That is, if things go as planned. And when does that ever happen?
  3. Saving money, and looking for money deals. I know, big whoop, right? Everybody and their mother saves money and looks for the best deals and coupons. But for me, this is new. Very new. I always tried to save money before, but I’m doing it now more than ever because the realization that “the money I have will run out eventually” has set in big time. Especially since I don’t have a job yet. I’d rather have my money run out slower than faster, and give me time to get a job. To slow the whole “running out of money” process, I have downloaded several apps on my phone that have savings opportunities (Checkout 51, Ibotta, and Groupon to name a few) and, so far so good. Checkout 51 and Ibotta allow me to earn cash back on certain items, and Groupon simply has good deals. I also downloaded the Walmart app, which has a “Savings Catcher”. Basically, you upload your Walmart receipt to the app and the Savings Catcher will look for other stores that sell them for a lower price. If there’s a match, you get some cash back. I’ve already tried it and got some cash back, but it will be a slow process when it comes to earning more. Because I have to buy in order to earn. As slow as it is, it’s a start! Coupled with the other apps I’m using, I’m hopeful that I’ll earn quite a bit.
  4. Just being an adult. What does that entail, exactly? Being responsible; remembering deadlines; taking care of your pets; keeping up with certain people; doing the dishes; doing the laundry; keeping things relatively tidy around the house; taking care of people who need to be taken care of; not sitting in front of a computer 24/7; making healthy meals; exercising; etc. etc. etc. Some (most…) of these things need work. Furthermore, I’m certain there’s stuff about adulthood I don’t even know yet and will experience as time goes on. The good thing is that I’m making significant progress. I am most likely slower than most people when it comes to “being an adult”, but what can’t be denied is that I’m getting there. And what’s wrong with retaining some childlike wonder, innocence, a sense of adventure, and dreams?

Not much in terms of changes, huh? To a lot of people, they probably mastered this ages ago. As a 21-year-old “college soon-to-be senior” in August (and 22 in July), this is ridiculously new. And I’m terrified of all these changes. It’s not that I can’t adapt, because I certainly can and have adapted accordingly to previous changes, but the fear is still there. Mostly because of my misophonia. How much change can I put myself through before my misophonia decides to kick the can, and refuse to adapt with me? Previous changes, such as eating healthier, exercising, and going out with friends have been okay so far. My misophonia seems to only get bad when I’m feeling under the weather or am not prepared. But in terms of new changes, like being around more people in a job setting (misophonia and potentially anxiety problems) and taking on responsibilities that an adult needs to take (anxiety and stress problems), how well will that go?

But, as terrified as I am, I’m going to face adulthood and life head on and with a positive attitude. Because that’s my philosophy: Be positive and kind, no matter what, and you’ll be alright. Yes, there will be days when positivity is downright difficult or impossible to have, but never stay in that place. That place is dark. Don’t settle or get complacent. Recharge, turn the light back on, and smile.

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P.S. First post in awhile! Misophonia Weekly has been under maintenance, but as you can see, it’s back. It’s been officially “back” for a little while now, but this is the first I had the time to sit down and write for you guys. This short hiatus has given me time to think. I’m going to put even more effort into this blog and bring you quality writing. Blog posts might be different, but they will always end on a positive note, or at least on a way to fix whatever problem I’m dealing with. I hope you’re still here. I cherish you all.

See you next week!

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