I apologize for the late post. If anyone was worried, I am alright. This week has just been very busy–college stuff–and I couldn’t get around to writing when I wanted to. Thanks for your patience, and thank you for sticking around.
This week and the week before, on Thursday, was extremely hectic. Classes have been keeping me busy. That’s not to say it isn’t hectic anymore, but I found the time to write for the blog today. It’s currently 8pm as this goes up.
As well as classes, another thing that’s been on my mind and kept me up at night is a recent doctor’s appointment last week. I went in on Thursday for a couple reasons:
- One of my professors required a doctor’s note in order for me to wear my headphones in class. I told her I had misophonia, and she believed me, but still needed a note.
- I also went in thinking I needed to get diagnosed for anxiety in order for me to get a note. There’s a high probability that I have anxiety, but I’m not diagnosed. I figured that would help me in the long run for future classes.
When I went in, I explained to my doctor the situation with my class and professor and, long story short, I got a note without needing to get diagnosed. However, they scheduled an appointment for me to see a psychologist because I had mentioned I needed to get diagnosed for anxiety.
I was thinking about this appointment and if I really needed to go get diagnosed. It wasn’t until I had a conversation about it with my aunt that I made up my mind. I’m going to cancel the appointment, and here’s why:
- Plain and simple, I have the doctor’s note I needed.
- Yes I most likely have anxiety, but I’ve been coping with it in my own way. I don’t feel like I need a professional telling me “You have anxiety” and diagnosing me with it. Not yet, at least.
- If I was diagnosed, I will most likely get persuaded to see a psychiatrist and get some medication. I personally don’t want to be on medication for anything. I feel that, for now, I can handle my anxiety without medication.
- Let’s say I was diagnosed. What will that mean for me in terms of looking for a job? Employers might see me as someone incapable of performing the job, if they were to hire me, to the best of my ability. I don’t mean to over generalize; not all employers are going to think that way. But when it comes down to hiring someone, to be brutally honest, they’re most likely going to hire someone who isn’t diagnosed with a mental disorder (I want to clarify that I’m not saying those with mental disorders can’t get a job. It’s probably harder, but it all depends on who this employer is, what they think about certain things, etc.). I, personally, don’t want to take that risk. Especially if I feel like I can handle myself.
I want to focus on number three. Medication for mental disorders has always been something I’m wary of. Most of the time, the medication has horrible side effects: thoughts of suicide, nausea, hallucinations, to name a few. That always rubbed me the wrong way.
I’m aware that not all medications are like that. Many people depend on their medication to get through the day, and don’t experience really bad side effects, and that’s totally fine. I suppose the way I feel about being on a medication is because of my upbringing. I learned from my relatives–perhaps indirectly–to really think before saying “I need to be on medication”; to think before saying I need anything. Do I really need something? How am I handling myself right now? Will this change my life for the better or worst?
After answering these questions, I feel like I don’t need medication for my anxiety. I got my doctor’s note, gave it to my professor, and I was allowed to wear my headphones so I wouldn’t get triggered. To me, that’s all I need right now. I’m grateful to my aunt and the conversation I had with her on Tuesday about this. She helped me make up my mind, and she’s a wonderful supporter.
See you next week!