I’ve been bombarded with countless issues for the past two weeks. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. And yet, despite it all, I’ve been smiling. I may have talked about this before, but it needs to be said again: I always put a smile on my face.
I was in class yesterday, and was getting anxious because I kept hearing things other students were doing that were triggering me. They ranged from tapping on the desk, eating snacks, or tapping harshly on a keyboard on their laptop. I took a deep breath and took out a stress ball I remembered I put in my bag awhile ago. I squeezed it and occupied my mind with that until I could focus better on the lecture.
I was mentally tired and ready to go home, but a classmate of mine started talking to me as I gathered my things . We were talking about a group project. Out of habit, I tried to put on a smile and just be generally pleasant. Let me tell you, it was difficult. But after we were done talking and my classmate left, I felt a little better. As I headed to the school parking lot, I was still looking forward to heading home and relaxing, but I was less anxious.
Today, my class for the day was cancelled when no one was available to replace our professor for the day. We had gotten an email from our professor saying to show up to class because there was going to be an assistant, but there never was. The classmates who showed up were talking amongst themselves, about the assignments at first, and then it turned to small talk. I had to take out one of my earplugs so I could understand what they were saying better, and it was exhausting. Because I don’t normally do that–I don’t normally talk to other people because I like to head home after class–I became anxious about getting triggered and I wanted to leave. But I smiled at everyone and listened to them.
When we all left, I found myself feeling…good. Yes, the social situation was over and I was happy about getting away from any triggers, but knowing that I smiled and potentially made other people feel comfortable around me because of that, it made me feel good. A lot of things were (and still are) going on in my mind, but I wasn’t about to let those things take over.
See, despite the issues going on in my life right now, I hate taking out my negative feelings I have about those issues out on other people. Whether those issues pertain to misophonia or personal matters, I’m not the kind of person that talks about their issues to people or is visibly unpleasant with other people. I’m certainly not saying “Smile and hide your issues from everyone”, because talking about issues (with misophonia or personal stuff) to your close friends, significant others, and your family is encouraged. If they listen and care to help, of course. I know not everyone has people to talk to, so talking to people online is the best way for them, and that is totally fine. An example of this is the Misophonia Support Group on Facebook. There are so many people a part of that group who find solace and peace just talking to strangers, because they all suffer from misophonia and understand.
I always try to smile, because I know when I do, I feel at least a little better knowing I probably made someone’s day a little brighter. And, I feel as though I can conquer the day, no matter what is thrown at me.
See you next week!